I have been gone for a long time; partially because of work and business, partially because of lack of anything to say. However, here I am, and here (here metaphorically being a state of depression, anxiety, or what-have-you) I think I shall always return from time to time.
There have been a lot of changes going on in my life, in my environment. While none of them have left me notable unhappy or anxious, they have left me in a state of unease and confusion. So what better than to write about it?
My brother is off to college. There were many, many, MANY difficulties in getting him there, but he’s there now! Having unconsciously placed myself as a mother-figure for him for many years, I think I am experiencing something akin to empty nesters. On one hand, I am pleased that he is moving forward in his life, and I know that in the long run this is the best thing for him. On the other hand, it leaves the mess of my family’s life rather out in the open.
While I have been away at school, my brother has provided a sort of bumper between my parents. I never knew what to expect when there was no bumper. I was fortunate enough to realize this summer that I am not responsible for providing a bumper there, but I will admit that it still concerns me.
Today, I realized that my mother may have moved out of the house. I don’t know how I feel about this. I am uncomfortable, as to why. Because of my family’s horrible communication skills, I do not know for sure though. It is possible that she is just spending her days away from the house, but still sleeping there, but I don’t know, and I’m afraid to directly ask. I want her to be happy, I truly do, but I’m not sure that living in a tiny house with her mother and brother is something that would make her happy. Part of me wishes I had the ability to swoop down and offer her a lovely home, vehicle, whatever she needs. Part of me wishes I could leave my family behind so I never have to think of them again.
I don’t know what else to write now, and I really must retire: school starts up again tomorrow! Like many a child, I am not thrilled by the thought of class, but I know that once I get into the swing of things I will enjoy it.