Back to blogging when I’m sad, I guess, and I am very sad. It’s such a stereotypical reason to be sad, and that sort of annoys me, but at the same time, it makes me understand other people a little better. I’m fresh out of a break up, and dying inside.
Part of the problem is, I still love her so much, and I know that it’s not from lack of love that the break up has occurred. I recognize that I probably put too much into loving her. She is my everything, which isn’t very good… I feel so empty now that I’ve lost her.
She worries about the future, and that’s the reason for the split. She doesn’t think that we would be able to make it work after we are done school, and that our life paths are very different. This came up before in the relationship, and I always did my best to calm her fears. I haven’t set out a neat life path like she has, I just sort of go where the world takes me, and I explained to her that if the world took me with her, than that’s where I would go. It wasn’t enough though.
I asked her “What’s stopping you from breaking it off?” to which she replied that she wanted both of us to be on the same page if that’s what we were going to do. The thing is, I would never be on that same page, at least not as things are/were. But I could tell that it was what she wanted. It wasn’t as though one of us broke up with the other, it just sort of got to the point where it was like “Fine, we’ll just end it.”.
So I’m unhappy. My face hurts from crying. I barely made it through class today, and I hate being in public now. I go between believing that this is the right decision but also that it was a horrible mistake that I do not want.
I know I’ll make it through; I’m enduring that way. This is a chance to put my life together in the way that I want, since it is broken down to nothing at the moment. I just don’t know when it is going to stop hurting…
If you have something to say that will make me smile or laugh, I’d love to hear it. I’ll take condolences too, but they will probably make me cry.
Trying to smile through my tears,
P.S. I wish I was having some emotional eating urges. Downing a tub of ice cream doesn’t sound to bad, except that it is cold and I don’t want to eat!