There are some stupid things you shouldn’t do after breaking up (or so I have been lead to believe [not really my area of expertise]). Unfortunately, I’m kind of stupid sometimes, so I ignore such advice and common sense. I creeped her blog. Bad idea. Yet strangely comforting.
Yes, I creeped the blog; I know, I’m an idiot hahah! I don’t have her blocked on anything, and while I’ve been good at not creeping her Facebook (too much >_> I perused once), things have been hard on me lately. I’ve had a few bad days now, so I’m down, and when I’m sad I’ll think about all the things that make me sad, including my break up. So I stalked her tumblr.
Most things on the blog had nothing to do with me, but rather were about her personal interests. There were a few relationship things that definitely would have applied to us, and they might have made me a bit weepy, but of course, I cannot know for sure that I even came to mind with those posts. But then I found It. IT. It being the post that was about me, and further more was directed towards me, though I was certainly never meant to read it. I won’t repeat the post word for word, but the gist of it was that she missed me, that she was upset that our lives had taken us to this point and that she hoped I was okay.
This post was both good and bad for me. It was bad, because it broke my heart just a little bit more (but what’s a few more thousand tears, eh?). But it was good in that I can’t say that she didn’t love me, or that she doesn’t care now, or even that she really wanted the break up. It may sound mean that her being upset makes me feel a little better, but it is more that her being upset means that we’re still sort of in this together.
I hope we can figure things out one day, even if we never get together again.
Life is complicated.
I miss you, too.