Hiding in the House

I’m completing my graduate certificate online. In some ways, it’s great: I get less anxiety interacting with my peers and teachers, I create my own schedule (for the most part), and I don’t have to put on pants to go to school! Also, I don’t have to leave my house. This is both a pro and a con. It’s nice that I don’t have to leave the house if I don’t want to (Who among us hasn’t had days where they’ve gone “I don’t want to go anywhere today!”?), but I think being forced to leave the house has its good points too. If you have to go out to get to work, or school, or the gym, or something (anything), then you’re still out there in the world, perhaps getting some face-to-face interactions, seeing the sun, etc..

I don’t have to go out, so I don’t. I do get out once in a while to do a bit of shopping, so it isn’t as though I am a complete shut-in. However, most of the time, I shop with my brother. I’ve only been out on my own 3 or 4 times in 3 months. Some people might not think anything of this, but it’s not my norm.

Here’s what I’ve noticed. I’ve started to become avoidant and perhaps even a bit agoraphobic about going out. I got some anxiety just from taking trash outside. There is a nearby store I’ve wanted to check out, but it hasn’t seemed like ‘the right time’ (it’s a store – if it’s open, and you have the time and money, it’s the right time!). I’ve considered taking a walk, but always find an excuse not to. I’ve never been like this before! I assume it is from spending so much time in the house. If so, what a vicious circle: don’t go out, become afraid of going out; be afraid of going out, don’t go out; rinse and repeat!

I’ve been more depressed as well. I don’t know if that’s from my reclusive ways or if it’s just because I have depression. I suspect it’s all sort of part and parcel, like the anxiety. What a mess!

Sometimes I feel like I’m going a bit stir-crazy. I think to myself from time to time “If I don’t go outside and get some social interaction today, I will lose my mind!”. Once, I followed this up by going to buy milk. The rest of the time, I just sort of wait about for my brother to get home from college so I have somebody to talk to.

I recognize that this isn’t a very good way to live, not for me. I’m still hoping to go out and go for some walks, and to check out that store. I don’t know when I’ll motivate myself to, but hopefully it will be soon.

If it’s any consolation, I’m going out to shop today. Not on my own, but it’s better than nothing.

Maybe I’ll take a walk today.

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17 Comments

  1. I’m studying from home as well, and while it’s great to be able to plan my own timetable and work alone in peace, it definitely has downsides! Sometimes I realise I haven’t spoken a word all day because I haven’t left the house at all. Sometimes the thought of even going to the corner shop seems a little overwhelming. I’m quite introverted and have some social phobia (especially in the workplace, in and out of jobs constantly because of it) and so perhaps studying from home isn’t helping with that. I’d quite like to join some sort of ‘community’, maybe a yoga class or something, to encourage me to get out and about a bit more. But it’s scary!

    Reply
    • Good to know I’m not the only one who has experienced this when studying from home! Joining a class or group is a good idea. I took a meditation class before and loved it – I got out of the house and had the opportunity to talk to some lovely people. It is nerve-wracking, but worth it, I think 🙂

      Reply
  2. lifeofmiblog

     /  November 15, 2014

    Hey just got the email to say this was up, good thoughts. It made me realize that I go out walking for the same reason you stay in – isolation. If I stay at home I am usually around other people, if I go for a walk I can put my music on loud and actually be alone. I have also just taken up furniture making at home because I can be out with my machines and work, and not have to deal with people. Thanks for your post. MD

    Reply
    • I do the same thing when I’m ‘back home’ (where I grew up) so I can get some breathing time away from my family – put on some music and go for a walk. I’m sure there is a happy medium between too little socialization and too much, I just have to find that balance!

      Reply
      • lifeofmiblog

         /  November 15, 2014

        Balance! What is that? Crazy people can’t find balance! Talking about myself there!! Hehe

      • haha well, teetering at the edge of a cliff is still a sort of balance! Take what we can get, I guess…

      • lifeofmiblog

         /  November 15, 2014

        Good comeback… What time of day is it over there? It’s 2pm here, are you having a sleepless night?

      • Almost 10:30pm. It’s practically afternoon to a night owl like me 🙂

      • lifeofmiblog

         /  November 15, 2014

        Fair enough…I am rarely in bed before 1am these days. I find I sleep better.

      • Not much point in going to bed early if you’ll not sleep!

      • lifeofmiblog

         /  November 15, 2014

        Yeah a few times recently I got up after a while in bed and wrote posts for my blog, then went back to bed about 4am. Next day wasn’t flash though!

      • I’ve had those days – not very fun.

        Also, I’ve never heard ‘flash’ as an adjective; I had to look it up. I’m learning!

      • lifeofmiblog

         /  November 15, 2014

        Used regularly in the far colonies :-/ I have to watch what i say as half the world won’t understand me!

      • haha I like learning new slang. I’m sure I use Canadianisms that would make some scratch their heads.

      • lifeofmiblog

         /  November 15, 2014

        Well i haven’t noticed anything, yet! Perhaps i should write a post without care for slang!

      • I’m sure it would be a laugh! 😀

  3. jenny crites

     /  January 15, 2015

    I have been “at home” now for 5 years. I am 64 years old, worked for 30 years, and fought depression all of my life. I guess I have given up. I am beginning to forget I ever had a life.
    I enjoyed the blog.
    .

    Reply

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