Promo: depression-inspired tattoos

If you like tattoos you might be interested in checking out this slideshow of depression-inspired tattoos at Healthline.com. There are some pretty cool tats, and some touching stories. If you have a depression-inspired tattoo, you can share a photo and your story  (the details and fine print are right through the link).


I actually have a depression tattoo (though for privacy reasons, I’m keeping in under wraps [I say on by blog full of my inner thoughts!]). Depression has been a part of my life for so long, it felt right to have it physically imprinted on me. People misunderstand it. They think it’s a shooting star. The tattoo artist almost oriented it so that it way, but I corrected him. It’s not a shooting star; it’s a falling star. That’s what I feel like sometimes. Beautifully tragic. But if people want to think of me as a shooting star – beautiful and lucky – I’m okay with that, too! 😉

Something to Live For

Lately I’ve had this pervasive thought. It is this: I have nothing to live for.

It’s not necessarily true. I have family, and I have friends. I even have school. It seems like that is enough for many people.

I’m not sure if it’s enough for me. I don’t see much of my family or my friends. Other than my brother, nobody is near by. School is just school. I don’t love what I currently study enough for it to emotionally sustain me.

I don’t have a significant other. I don’t have friends/family/peers (other than the aforementioned brother) that often. I don’t even have a pet.

It makes it harder to get up in the morning. It makes it harder to keep going.

It’s not easy for me to motivate myself to go on for myself. Yet, I think that’s what I need to be able to do.

So this is the plan: I’ll keep going. I’ll keep going until I find something to keep me going or until I’m good at going on for myself (practice makes perfect). Eventually, I think I’ll come across something to live for.

On having stuff and things

I am not a particularly materialistic person. I enjoy owning things, of course – I like having a laptop for computing, cookware for making tasty things, etc. But I get fed up with having so much stuff.

My family hoarded things. In part, it’s a habit you pick up from poverty. You hold onto things because you don’t know if you’ll be able to afford to replace them. You hold onto things that are broken or worthless because they might have a purpose one day. Before you know it you’ve got all this stuff that you don’t use.

I’m guilty of this hoarding on a small scale. I hold onto things that I think I might be able to use for arts and crafts. I’ve got scraps of paper, and pieces of string, and stones that I might use one day – not today, and not tomorrow, but, maybe, one day. A cleverer person would probably throw them out.

Every once in a while, I get the urge to live a much simpler life, and I start getting rid of things I don’t need or want. It’s not easy. I second-guess myself (might need it later, might want it later). Yet, I’ve never run into a situation where I’ve needed something I’ve gotten rid of.

There are also things I might want. I want more tech gadgets, and I want more cookware. But I don’t need these things, so I don’t get them. It’s pretty simple.

I’m happier living without so much stuff. However, I’m surrounded by people who think differently. It can be straining. I have friends and family who just keep buying and collecting things they don’t need. It grinds my nerves. I’ve learnt not to question them (Why are you buying that? You don’t need it.), because they get very offended (wanting something is a good enough reason for them to get it). I guess if they can afford the stuff, and they have space for it, it is their prerogative. I don’t really understand it though.

Promo + Q&A with Aleks Srbinoski, author of “Maximum Mental Health”

cover of "Maximum Mental Health"

“Maximum Mental Health” by Aleks George Srbinoski

I recently had the chance to ask Aleks some questions about himself and his new book, “Maximum Mental Health”. Read on to learn more, and pick up some tips that may improve your own life


Tell us a little about yourself.
I am an Aussie born and raised in the beach town of Wollongong an hour south of Sydney. I am a fully qualified Australian Clinical Psychologist with my own practice and the author of 8 books. In terms of psychology, I am also a trained hypnotist and Positive Psychology (the study of happiness and peak performance) practitioner. Outside of this, I love humour and story-telling. I have a background in comedy, theatresports and love the martial arts. I also have a degree in creative writing and plan to return to fiction and screenplay writing later in life.

What drew you to your career?
I’ve always been fascinated by the question “why do people do what they do and how could they become better?” I believe (and plenty of research supports this claim) that there is nothing more satisfying than helping others. I’ve always felt medicine, teaching and psychology (to name a few) are noble professions as they are based on service and the advancement of others. I personally, have always wanted to be part of both sides of psychology, that being helping those with depression, anxiety and other forms of psychological distress as well as exploring happiness and peak performance and how we can all better ourselves.

Give us a run-down of the book. Who is it for? What is its purpose?
The book serves a dual audience. It is a book for self-improvement enthusiasts who really want to better understand themselves and maximize their life and it also acts as a treatment manual for those with depression, anxiety and other mental health difficulties. I distilled a decade of clinical experience and research and refined every thing I have learned into 20 simple life principles to follow. I break those principles into 4 categories (4M’s) of superior mental health. They are Motivation, Mood, Meaning and Mastery. I cover just about every core area of life including nutrition, sleep, optimism, meaning, peak performance, self-image, exercise, relationships, social skills, achievement and more.

What inspired you to write this book?
Loneliness and abandonment! My partner went overseas to visit family for a month and due to work commitments, I was unable to join her. My partner and I are from opposite sides of the world and the first 5 years of our relationship was primarily long-distance. During those early years, I learned the power of finding a creative and meaningful outlet to deal with lonely situations that cannot be changed. It sure beats drugs and alcohol and you feel much prouder afterwards 🙂 One of the greatest skills of life is to channel both positive and negative emotions into creative expression.

So when she left, I decided I would use the time to write my next book. The goal was to complete an entire draft by the time she got back. Then the question became, what to write about? Since I would use writing as a tool to help me cope and remain focused on something positive, a flash of insight suggested I should use the book to help others do the same. Every time she goes away, my mental health is put to the test and I tend to respond by exercising even more than usual, having even better nutrition, getting good sleep, staying optimistic, practicing mindfulness (especially when feeling lonely), seeing friends and family more often and being creative. As I prepared to do these things and started to research my previous materials the idea snowballed into creating an entire life enhancing manual.

I decided to develop simple and practical principles around improving every key area of life, but also use all my experience to address mental health as well. It was also a unique idea that I believe is very much needed, considering 25% of people are diagnosed with a mental illness each year and over 50% of people are overweight, over 50% are high stress sufferers and over 50% of people will have long term relationships fail.

I have never come across a book that was able to address mental health and life enhancement at the same time. I also wanted each chapter to be practical and succinct. Thus the 20 principles for maximum mental health were born. When she returned, I had completed the first draft and then I did what was best for my mental health, which was set the book aside for awhile and enjoy catching up with her!

You make reference to things like hypnosis and mindfulness, what other sources do you draw from?
My clinical training was in two distinct types of therapy. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) which is based on learning to re-shape your thinking and create more empowering beliefs and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) which is a mindfulness based therapy that focuses on the importance of behaving towards what is important to you regardless of how you think. Both are highly valid therapies and I use elements of both. At the same time, in my final year of clinical training, I came across the Positive Psychology movement (the study of happiness and peak performance) and became totally enthralled.

I studied everything I could find on it in those initial years and built my whole business and life around the idea of happiness. After finishing my studies I embarked on being a Clinical Psychology career but also spent some time in working in Neuropsychology (study of the brain) and at the same time continued with my personal studies in Positive Psychology and by extension self-improvement in general. That is why I also have a good understanding of exercise, nutrition, sleep and other areas that are not traditionally taught in psychology. Hypnosis was a skill I developed much later after many years of searching for quality materials, teachers and training. A highly skilled hypnotist can obtain some amazing results but unfortunately most hypnotists are poorly trained. However, once I found the right resources and reached a high level of skill, it soon became one of my favorite disciplines.

What helps keep you happy and healthy?
The best way to answer this question is to use my own “fulfilling happiness” model which I created and do my best to live by. There are 7 positivity pillars I developed based on the positive psychology research I conducted.

  1. Pleasure – This is the foundation of happiness and we all need it. It involves immersing yourself in the things you enjoy. I love spending time with my partner – and all the naughty and nice things that involves :), joking with friends, and I really enjoy being outdoors whenever possible. For example, I enjoy training in martial arts, but whenever possible, will train at the beach where I can get sun, sand, scenery and a wonderfully refreshing swim afterwards. Love it!
  2. Power – This refers to developing empowering and optimistic thinking patterns and beliefs. I’m constantly reading and listening to podcasts that stimulate my mind and build my confidence (which is also quite pleasurable). I also have my own podcast on happiness and entrepreneurship on itunes. It is called The Fulfilling Happiness Edge.
  3. Performance – This refers to doing activities you enjoy and giving it your all so you can hopefully find “flow” (a naturally occurring peak performance state). Whether it is writing, speaking or practicing my sports, I really enjoy focusing to the best of my ability and performing well. I once heard a statement to the effect of – a professional is always overprepared – and that is what I aim to do. I like to make the most of every opportunity even when I know it is unlikely to lead to anywhere special in terms of an external reward, the internal gratification is reward enough.
  4. Prosperity – This refers to financial and psychological/spiritual prosperity. The foundation of prosperity is gratitude which I practice regularly. I firmly believe most people in the West are highly spoiled and yet struggle to appreciate it. When you are grateful you instantly become rich. I also believe in constantly searching for new financial opportunities and to be aware of what is happening in your life and around the world financially. I firmly believe “no one cares more about your money than you do.” In other words, educate yourself and don’t rely on financial planners or others to take care of your money.
  5. Passion – This refers to finding the activities you love (based on your own unique strengths) and doing them regularly. Early in my career, I knew that being a psychologist full time would not sustain me. That is why I also write on a range of topics, speak, do organizational training and am constantly exploring other creative pursuits like theatresports, fiction and martial arts.
  6. Persuasion – This refers to being a great communicator as success in any area of life is usually reliant on your relationships. It’s important to know how to communicate effectively and positively. I’m always exploring and working on my communication and performance skills. I love studying the more professionally orientated things like nonverbal body language, facial expression, stage presence and the more personal like he best way to build a relationship with lovers, friends, family and clients.
  7. Purpose – This refers to developing a meaningful life. Personally, finding meaning is something I have always sought to do. I believe any profession that helps others is noble and meaningful and I love the idea that through my books I can help people from all over the world who I will never even meet. Outside of my work, I deeply value my partner and the struggles we went through to be together and my close friends, family and all my clients – even the difficult ones 🙂

If you want to see the model – visit fulfillinghappiness.com/coaching

Sometimes in the depths of depression and anxiety it can be difficult to motivate yourself to make life changes or do the things that will help you get well; what’s a good first step?
There are two principles to keep in mind here. The first is to understand the more you move, the better you feel. When feeling depressed, embarking on an enjoyable activity will really help. Usually the more physical it is, the better. However, sometimes people feel stuck and require a bit of an emotional boost. Therefore it helps to have a specific list of immediately accessible “pleasure prompts” at hand to build positive emotion and motivation. To assist, I’ve added a short excerpt and technique from “Maximum Mental Health” below.

Unfortunately, sometimes people can fall into depressive and de-motivated moods. The secret in this scenario is to create a list of pleasure prompts. However, this can be hard for someone to do alone when they are feeling depressed. With patience and by asking the right questions, I can get even the most stuck person to create a list of at least a dozen things. Of course, having a trained professional to assist is a luxury most people don’t have when needed most.

There is a better option which is to act now! You should create your pleasure prompts list when you are feeling fine and continue to add to it whenever a new idea comes up. Ask friends and colleagues what they enjoy and if you enjoy them too, add it to the list. One of the advantages of modern technology is not only can we put our list on our phone so it will be with us wherever we go, we can also easily and quickly access video, audio and text when we need it.

Pleasure Prompts List and Set-up: Right now, create a favorites list. Don’t think, just write. All you need is at least five in total. Write down 1-3 of your favorites in each of the following categories: songs, jokes, books (book passages), poems, videos/movies, sports, hobbies, sensory joys (bath, massage, intimacy, cooking), friends, games, dances. Keep this list in your wallet or electronically on your phone and make these options easily accessible.

Put your favorite songs, images or videos on your phone (or links for where they can be easily streamed), your favorite jokes, poems and books (or at least book passages) on your desk and in your phone. Have maps and apps for key places of interest. Keep special folders with cherished photographs and social activities to do alone or with friend’s.

As a general rule, avoid computer games and alcohol as they can be addictive and depressive in the medium to long term. Stick with prompts that normally inspire or rejuvenate you. Even if you are not feeling inspired at the time, the principles of “acting now” and “movement” will lead to greater pleasurable momentum. The key is not to overthink it. If struggling, immediately scan your list and do the first thing you find that you can start without delay. That is why your list should always be with you and ready. When in doubt – open, scan, pick whatever seems easiest and begin!

The more you engage with the activity, the more effective it will be. If you’re going to listen to your favorite song, listen deeply or better yet, sing along as passionately as you can. Dance freely, read that poem out loud, make that bath just right, turn off the TV and your computer and put your phone on airplane mode and really talk, walk or play games with your friends, colleagues or kids if suitable and so on.

Where can readers get the book?
The direct link to the book is http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00U3SRQJM

The book is available on Amazon.com. Simply type in Maximum Mental Health and you will find it.

You can also visit MaximumMentalHealth.com for a free chapter.

Where else can you be found online?
As part of Maximum Mental Health, I also give away 3 mindfulness recordings and a unique “holiday escape” relaxation recording. Although it is better to have the book first, so the recordings are placed into context, they can be freely obtained at MentalHealthHypnosis.com

If you enjoy podcasts and have an interest in happiness and entrepreneurship, visit – http://ow.ly/FdICv

My blog and a range of other materials is at – FulfillingHappiness.com

Art post – Ad astra per aspera

I’m afraid I don’t have too much to say today. I’ve been having a bit of a rough time, and I’m still trying to work through the ideas stirring about in my head. It’s difficult for me to put them into words until I’ve made some sense of them.

So, instead of words, I’ll share with you a painting I recently did. The photograph I took of it is not the best representation of it, but it will do. Clicking on the image should open it it full, slightly blurry, resolution.

The words ‘ad astra per aspera’ are Latin for ‘to the stars through hardship’. I heard the phrase not so long ago and even though it’s a bit hokey, it stuck with me.

Painting - 'Ad astra per aspera'

I see so many flaws in this painting. I see places where paint is too thick or thin. I see places where I’d have liked to change the colour a bit. I try not to look at how wonky the letters are, because that’s just plain upsetting!

I’m sure somebody else could look at it and not notice any of those things. I am my own greatest critic.

Despite its flaws, I have this painting sitting in my room. The colour brings me a little happiness. I’ll take whatever little bit of happiness comes my way.

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