Well, I survived the tend of my school term and a visit home and now I’m back! I promised a part II to my post Something to Live For, and here it is.
On that post, Michael from lifeofmiblog.com made a good point:
I think that’s a common problem and you don’t have to be alone to have it. I have people and things but that same thought persists. I think it is because when you have someone or something, you start to believe that you don’t deserve them/it and they would be better off without you because all you ever do is hurt them or bring them grief!
I think it is the sickness and the change of circumstances wont change it much…”
I can’t even count the number of times I’ve thought about my family/friends/etc. and said to myself “They’ll be better off without me.” (Would they be? Probably not. Would they think themselves better off without me? Almost certainly not.). So, yes, I found it difficult to find something to live for even when there have been plenty of people (and pets) in my life. It’s surprisingly easy to forget about those thoughts when you’re not in that situation.
It’s strange for me. I know that some of my depression is situational depression – many people in the same circumstances would feel depressed. But there is also the dysthymia, which has very little to do with circumstances. When I’m feeling depressed, I can’t tell which is affecting me. Perhaps I could differentiate if I tried (and I will try, just to see).
Overall, this served as a reminder to me of how depression can put the blinders on; there’s a lot I don’t see and don’t think about when I’m depressed. If I’m not seeing the whole picture, maybe I’m also not seeing all the things worth living for. It’s worth a look, right?