Incomparable Lives

I compare myself to other people. I know better, but I still do it. When I see other girls, I’ll compare my looks to theirs. When I go on Facebook, I compare my life to my friends’. I judge myself harshly, and usually find myself lacking. This certainly does nothing to alleviate my depression.

Comparing myself to others has never made me happy. It’s a sort of sick compulsion, and part of a competitive nature I can’t seem to shake. “Stop comparing yourself to others”; I will…just as soon as I’m doing better than them.

I know I’m not alone in this. A lot of us spend time seeing how we measure up – if we’re keeping up with the Joneses.

Obviously I do not know the inner workings of every person’s mind, but it seems like some of the happiest people I know are not burdened by self-comparison. Of course, I compare my own relative discontent to their happiness and end up envious!

However, I had something of a breakthrough when I was considering some upcoming events. Let me take you through the events:

  • In a month and a half, my best friend is getting married.
  • About 2 months after that, i will graduate from my program and complete my 20th consecutive year of school.
  • About 2 months after that, my cousin will give birth to her first child.

My friends, my cousin, and I are all very close in age (all born within a 32-day period). We all grew up in the same county. We all went to the same schools. Yet, despite these similarities, out lives have taken drastically different paths.

How can I compare my life to either of theirs? It’s all apples and oranges.

Am I failing because I’m not getting married or having a child? No. Are they failing because they have not pursued education to the same extent I have? No.

Comparing our lives to the lives of those on different paths will not make us happy, and it’s a silly thing to do anyway. I think, from now on, I will find it a bit easier to remember this.

Leave a comment


  1. lifeofmiblog

     /  May 17, 2015

    You are right about how bad it is to compare, we are individuals and should be left at that! That came out real easy….that is exactly how I analyze matters and come up with the right answers, I just can’t put them into practice! Still wallowing! Hope it works for you!

    • I have that problem too. I guess we just need to keep reminding ourselves until it comes naturally!

  2. Brian

     /  June 19, 2015

    I am also guilty of comparing myself to others. The worst part is how comparing myself to others damages the relationships of those closest to me. For example, I had a really hard time attending my sisters’ graduation. I could not help but feel as if I had wasted my entire twenties. I focused entirely on school and work experience. And all I ended up was right where I started. Needless to say, this toxic mood dulled my ability to support my sisters. Most of the time I would leave to be alone. I didn’t want to be around anyone. I even skipped the commencement ceremony. It was too painful watching a bunch of successful, happy people enter into a bright future. That’s the sickest thing about depression. You hate yourself so much, but at the same time you become selfish and think only of yourself.

    • I go through similar motions myself. I cut myself off from people to prevent pain and then am pained because I’m lonely. It doesn’t make much sense, does it? But when we realize these things, we can learn from them 🙂


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