Alternative title: “In which Michelle talks about her butt”
Sometimes it’s like any progress is immediately followed by regression (it isn’t, but I still feel that way sometimes). If I have one good day, the next day will be crap. If I make a new friend, I’ll lose an old one. If I find something about myself to like, I’ll find something new to hate.
And that’s today’s story. My self esteem and body image are not good. Some days, I think I’m pretty okay, but most days…not so much. I have made some progression. As a teenager, I had far worse body image. This is fairly ironic, since I was in much better shape then (though perhaps slightly more funny-looking [I had distinct ideas about what makeup looked good on me, and those ideas were not necessarily correct]).
But for a long time, I hated my body shape. I’m not the ‘ideal’ hourglass, but rather, am distinctly pear-shaped. This means I carry much of my weight on my hips, butt, and thighs. This was horrific when I was a teenager; I desperately wanted to be one of those waifishly thin girls whose thighs did not touch (‘thigh gap’). It just wasn’t going to happen for me. I don’t think it will ever happen for me without drastic and unhealthy weight-loss. Drastic weight-loss is fairly unlikely to happen for me, since I really love carbs.
And that’s okay. I’ve come to accept my body type. It probably helps that we live in a time that fawns over being ‘bootylicious’. So, thanks, Hollywood, porn directors, and ‘ass men’ for making my body type desirable. I appreciate it.
Except once I stopped worrying about my body shape, I found other things to worry about! One step forward, two steps back. Even though I’d decided it was okay that my butt is kinda big, I started considering that it wasn’t quite the right shape, and was maybe not quite firm enough, and, god, look at that cellulite!
So, I work on these new things. I remind myself that nearly all women have cellulite. I tell myself to exercise if I’m that concerned about shape and firmness (I should be exercising anyway!). Maybe once I get over one of these things, I’ll find something else to worry myself over. Then, I’ll work on those new things.
It’s a long journey. I’m getting somewhere, just not very quickly. But that’s okay…all these steps should help tone my butt, right? 😀