What I’ve been up to

Hello everyone! It’s been a while! I’m still alive.

A few people have asked for updates on my job search. Well, I’m still searching. It’s kind of a roller coaster (I want off the ride now…). I went through a series of interviews for a job that would have been a fairly good fit for me. I even got a bit hopeful that time, but it didn’t pan out. This was disappointing, but such is life, I guess. I just keep sending out my applications.

It’s very easy to get frustrated – with yourself, with the companies, with the society as a whole. I find myself wondering why I spent so many years in school when it doesn’t really seem worth it from a career standpoint (But don’t get me wrong, from an education and self-growth standpoint, I loved all those years of school.). I find myself wondering why the companies are asking for 5 years of experience for an entry level job. I find myself wondering why we put so much emphasis on people’s jobs (We so often ask people “What do you do?” even though it has very little to do with who they are as people.). I know I’m not the only person wondering these things; I know I’m not the only one who is frustrated. It’s not easy, and it’s not fun, but we all just keep plugging away.

What else have I been up to in my absence? I’ve been trying to separate myself from the internet a little bit. I love, love, love the internet, but it’s so easy to waste away a day surfing the web. I don’t want to do that, and I think it sometimes makes my depression worse, so I’ve tried to find some other ways to waste my time! I’ve been doing some exercise. I’ve been reading more books. I’ve been writing some books (Two of them! I was fairly proud of this, since I’ve wanted to write one since I was very small. Whether they’re any good still waits to be seen haha). I’ve been trying not to die in the humid heat of a Southwestern Ontario summer. I’ve been catching up with family and friends. I’ve been catching Pokemon. I’ve been eating way more potato chips than any human being should.

Basically, I’m just trying to fill my time and not let the depression set in. It’s an everyday battle. Some days are harder than others. But today is an okay day! I hope you have an okay day too! 🙂

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Worthlessness, Depression, and Unemployment

I am almost impressed by how worthless depression and unemployment can make you feel.

If you have depression, chances are you already question your worth. Unemployment can seem like confirmation of your worthlessness. Job searching is like a really un-fun game to see how many times you can be rejected and still get back up after. Every rejection can make you question your own worth. Am I not good enough for that job? Am I not smart enough, skilled enough, nice enough? Am I not worthy of a job?

Since I graduated, I’ve been looking for full-time work. The job search isn’t going that well. I place some of the blame on the poor job market, and some of the blame on myself. Yes, it doesn’t help that I live in a city that was hit hard by the recession and hasn’t really recovered. Yes, it doesn’t help that I’m overwhelmed by anxiety every time I send out a resume. There are many reasons things aren’t going well. It’s a complex problem. Yet my brain likes to tell me that it’s a really simple thing – I mean, isn’t it clear? I’m unemployed because I’m worthless!

The truth is, I’m probably not worthless. You’re probably not worthless either. I’m not sure if I’ve met a person without any worth.

So how do you combat the feelings of worthless that come with depression and unemployment?

I really wish I knew the answer to that question!

I’ve been trying to do a few things to keep my mood up. I’ve been doing some exercise. I’ve been taking some vitamins. I try to get out of the house once in a while. I’ve been doing some writing (though not on this blog obviously, oops). It all helps a little, but it’s not a perfect solution. I still have to fight the feelings of worthlessness.

But if I stop fighting the feelings, I know I will just get more depressed, and feel more worthless. If that happens, I don’t think I will have the strength to continue my job search, which would make me even more depressed and worthless-feeling. Vicious circle, no? So even though I’m tired and sad, I keep going. Hopefully that’s enough for now.


 

Have experience with depression and/or anxiety and unemployment? Have tips? I’d love to hear your stories or advice, and I’m sure other readers would too! Why not leave a comment below? 🙂

 

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